“knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold,but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.” -1 Peter 1:18-19
When I was a kid, nothing seemed normal. I was very aware of how not normal things felt. In my head it felt as though little scissors were snipping at my brain,scraping my skull. Itchy and uncomfortable. Agitating. Painful.
I did not sleep well. My sleep was interrupted by vivid nightmares. I sometimes woke, unable to move, and saw horrifying things like dead bodies, aliens, or just dark figures. Sometimes I urged myself out of my own body, and watched myself float above myself. That is something I always felt strangely about. It felt so real. All of it felt hyper-real.
As I was unable to sleep soundly, my waking world was disrupted. I sometimes heard a soft whisper, often like many voices following closely behind my head. I would see shadows dart around me. Entire places would shift. Fearing that I was just going crazy, I grew anxious.
In my teenage years, it became incredibly uncomfortable. I became so fearful when I was alone in a quiet place. I realized I only really saw or heard anything when there was nothing else going on. I slept with the tv on to scare away my own hallucinations.
That was why I started drinking so heavily in my 20’s. It all went away. It got quiet. It made me relax. And I slept without disturbance. In my 30’s I hardly recalled why I relied so heavily on alcohol and cigarettes to feel “normal.” I thought of how great it might be to be rid of these costly addictions.
When I became Christian, I asked God’s help. I wanted to deal with everything without the need of alcohol, cigarettes, and medication. At first it was very hard. I had to trust God completely. Trust was always a difficult concept for me. But if I truly believe in such a great God, of course I should be able to completely trust that He will take care of me.
When I quit depending on all these things, I found that I was actually able to sleep. None of those scary things came back.
He has healed my mind. My soul. My body.